How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
