3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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