Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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