Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
