I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
