ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
