we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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