The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
