Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
