I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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