why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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