I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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