just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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