peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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