That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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