can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
