you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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