I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
