the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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