Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
