I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
