Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
