Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
