Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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