i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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