I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
