I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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