Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Boobs are out for the taking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
