so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
