it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
