I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
