walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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