Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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