this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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