her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
