in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
