u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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