1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
