Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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