I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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