I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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