We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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