i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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