At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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