i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
