You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
