i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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