One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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