at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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