drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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